The post I had planned for today was very different, but after an inspiring conversation over breakfast with my daughter, this is the one in most need of an expedient sharing.
The youngest of my younglings was regaling the tale of one of her male friends, one she considers to be like a younger brother and one she has taken it upon herself to mentor in the politics of love. In the past, he has come to her for advice on many things regarding the cryptic female species and has even asked for her approval over his choice of girlfriend – mostly to check out the girlnet of information to make sure his potential love interest isn’t a “psycho” or “too clingy” – that sort of thing. Apparently this is a reciprocal arrangement.
Anyway, as my daughter had firmly given her seal of approval to his current girlfriend, she proceeded in her tale about how this young man had gone to elaborate lengths to ask this same young lady to the winter formal. It was a nice story including teddy bears, balloons, notes, and favorites chocolate candies. He had obviously put in a lot of time and consideration into his plan. She commented not that she wished someone would do that for her, but that she hadn’t realized how creative this boy could be. My daughter then said he asked her for suggestions on what he should do for Valentine’s Day for his girlfriend. Even after appreciating this grand gesture he had made earlier, my daughter said sure, he should get her some chocolate or something, but if he was only showing her that he cared about her on special occasions or when it was socially required, then he was missing the point.
I couldn’t have been prouder.
And when the hell did she learn that?
My husband then walked into the room. My daughter told him about the elaborate winter formal popping-the-question story and then asked if he had ever done something like that, made a grand gesture when asking a girl to a prom or dance.
It may have been wrong of me to laugh, but I do know my husband. Grand romantic gestures are not in his chemical makeup. I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve received flowers from him over the past twenty-two years. He has on occasion even forgotten my birthday. Ouch.
It is a lovely thing to be appreciated by the one you love. And that is one thing, despite what I’ve said so far, that my husband is actually fantastic at doing. Many times he has said to me, “Have I told you how much I love you, today?” or “You are my best friend.” just out of the blue because he was moved to do so. I have never felt uncertain of his feelings for me and I’m never jealous of other people. What more could one want in this world than a companion who one trusts and who really gets you?
I can’t count how often he has done little things for me without me even asking, like rubbing my neck when I’ve spent the day writing and I’m all achy or bringing me chocolate when he knows I’ve had a stressful day at home with the kids. Sure, he may also bring me some truffles on Valentine’s Day, but not because he has to, but because he knows I have a major chocolate addiction. Sometimes he’ll actually wait until the day after Valentine’s Day when the boxes of chocolate are half price. I don’t mind. I still get my chocolate fix – and maybe in a bigger box. I have come to be a huge fan of the smaller, more frequent realistic gestures of love.
May all of you have more of them in your life as well.
Happy Random Day in February!
8 thoughts on “Realistic Romantic Expectations – A Conversation with the Youngling”
What a lovely post! I absolutely agree it’s the foot rubs when you are tired and the thoughtful comments which count in the long run. Good for your daughter for realising romantic gestures need not be limited to one day!
thank you, vicki! with all the mistakes i make parenting, it’s nice to know i get a few things right.
I wish I’d been as level-headed as your daughter when I was in school! She really is the coolness.
And how wonderful to hear about you and your Valentine. Warmed my heart!
no kidding; that was definitely not me at her age. i’ve no idea where she gets these moments of maturity. so glad you enjoyed the post, sonia!
Well said Val! You are definitely an extremely lucky lady. The two of you are fortunate to have such an incredible relationship, but I also know that you work at it each day.
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thanks, lynette. you’re so right. but then any great relationship takes a ton of hard work, don’t you think?
LOL! Your husband sounds like me. The day after V-Day! Yes! He’s one cool dude.
ha! he will be so jazzed that you said so, jerry.
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